Let’s talk Pilates fads. Some of them are fire. Others? Break our bank just to be tossed out in a few months. But here at Stretch & Spill, we’re not here to judge — just to drag with love.
Offenders include:
- $200 grip socks that look like repurposed oven mitts
- Those reformers with LED lights like you’re doing abs at Coachella
- Crystal-infused water bottles for “energetic alignment” mid-bridge pulses (girl, you just need water and maybe therapy)
- $70 Bala bangles that we pretend don’t make our wrists smell like hot rubber
- Affirmation cards on the reformer: “You are light. You are strength.” You are… 9 payments behind on Afterpay.
- That one brand of reformer that turns into a bar cart after class (actual thing, don’t tempt me)
- Herbal “pre-Pilates elixirs” that promise to open your fascia and your third eye (spoiler: they taste like regret and licorice)
- Classes with names like “Core to Cosmos,” “Sacred Sculpt,” and “Spine Tingler” — what are we doing, exercising or ascending?
Then there’s the lingo — suddenly every class is “core to cosmos,” and you’re being asked to “tuck with intention.” I don’t even know what that means, but I’m doing it.
And let’s not even start on the hyper-mystical content. “I manifested my six-pack through heart chakra Pilates.” …Okay. “Activate your solar plexus while imprinting your sacrum.. Uhm, I was just trying to work on my posture, but now I think I’m summoning a Pilates deity.
Still, there’s something iconic about this entire ecosystem…We show up in full glam to sweat. We light a candle for ankle mobility. We buy matching sets that cost more than our rent. Why? Because feeling strong and good is a lifestyle. Besides, we all love a little weird.
Stretch & Spill 